Vampire's

So you know that guy Tod who lives 3 houses down the street from you?  He likes to read books, take long walks on the beach, frolic among the roses, and drink blood.  That’s right he’s a vampire.  It seems to me that vampires are taking over our world, you never know if your friend’s a vampire.  Between Vampire Diaries, True Blood, The Twighlight Saga, etc.  Vampires are on a crash course with world domination.  Since it seems inevitable that vampires will achieve this world domination I think it’s time society learned what to do in a vampire society.

                First, every morning you MUST put on your vampire perfume/cologne.  Vampire’s have a very strong sense of smell.  I don’t know about you, but I can’t outrun a vampire and so I think the best way to stay safe is to make the vampires think you’re one of them.  Keep in mind a vampire is more dangerous than Usher.

                Second, learn to love the taste of blood.  The vampires are going to get suspicious if they see you eating food instead of drinking blood so it’s essential that you only drink blood.  You must learn to love blood like the most interesting man loves Dos Equis.  Unless you’d rather the vampires eat your blood…

                Third, avoid confrontation.  Vampires like to settle their conflicts with mild violence, they just want to hurt each other not kill each other.  But remember that you are not a vampire.  If they attack you will die and they may even realize that you’re not a vampire and drink your blood.

                Fourth, you should probably become a spy for the werewolves.  Werewolves are loyal, and if you make yourself an asset to them you’ll have some sort of strong force protecting you.  The vampires aren’t trustworthy so you shouldn’t tell them, but you can tell the werewolves you’re not a vampire, they’ll actually be happier because they hate vampires.

                And last but not least, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU REVEAL TO A VAMPIRE THAT YOU ARE NOT A VAMPIRE.  I don’t care if Edward and the Cullen family ask you if you would like to play baseball with them, you can’t do anything that will show, you tell them you hurt your arm and can’t play.  If you EVER tell any vampire that you are a human you’re blood will be drank, even your best friend Tod would love to drink your blood. 

                So, when you are faced with this situation, I hope my advice will be helpful.

XOXO Gossip Girl.

Post By: Pat G.