So you have this person who follows you around. This person really annoys you because they think you like them when it should be painfully obvious by now that you don’t. I mean, they follow you back to your house and stuff like that. So you want to know how to get rid of them? Impossible, doesn’t matter if it’s your mom, your dad, or your little sister, once he (yes all stalkers do have a gender) start’s you’re stuck with him. Here’s one perfect example of a true stalker.
It was eleven PM on a Friday night and you were getting ready to fall asleep in front of the tv, when there was a knock on your door. Yes it could be your friend Tod, as Pat G would have you believe, but it could also be Jope.
Jope is your 43 year old friend from Texas who was born with a rare disease where he goes through life being called Jope by everyone. Anyways, the point is you hate your friend Jope. Why is he your friend, you might ask. Well, Jope is not your friend, in fact I don’t really know why you said he was, I guess you messed up there. So Jope was there knocking. Obviously you were already having a pretty solid Friday. You had three good meals, waffles with maple syrup for breakfast, pancakes with no maple syrup for lunch, and grapes with chocolate syrup for dinner. And your night was going all too well, you had already seen three episodes of that show where they record the people saying mean sexual things and they make them talk it out with the pope, I think it’s called The Office. Anyways you were watching The Office, you were at the episode where Stanley gets into a fight with Phyllis and then Omar beats him up, and Jope knocked on the back door. Naturally you knew it was Jope, I mean who else comes to your house? So you said “Hello who is it?” and he said “It’s Jope.” Obviously you couldn’t get out of being in the house, since you had made the rookie mistake of saying who is it (in the future don’t do that). You called back to him “Hey man I’m about to sleep.” He said “ok ill use the guest bedroom.” Now there are two problems with this. First, you don’t want Jope to sleep your house, it happened once and the smell of bananas never went away. But second, you don’t have a guest bedroom, so it literally wouldn’t work. “Sorry I actually don’t have a guest room.” But he persisted. “It’s ok I’ll sleep on the floor.” Now you have five options at this point: call the cops, or just go outside and offer to take him to a nightclub. You choose the latter. You go to the nightclub and you’re surprised by what happens next, the DJ at the nightclub was awesome and played Yeah by Usher twelve times which was great because you’re currently in the process of learning Lil John’s verse on the song. Also, Jope was a total boss and he found a bag of potato bread to eat. You actually had a pretty great time. So at the end of the night you called a cab for Jope, he went home, you went home, and it all worked out. The lesson is that sometimes you are too quick to judge people, whether it’s your mom, dad, little sister, or a 43 year old guy named Jope.
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