The Head Nod

             So you’re walking down the aisle in target.  On the pursuit of the perfect hand soap; you’ve narrowed it down and you’re deciding between suave cucumber melon, and Softsoap lemon.  You don’t have time to think so you just pick them both up and start walking towards checkout.  As you’re on your way you see your friend Tod walking.  Just before you pass him you say “hey Tod.”  Tod looks at you and gives you a quick head nod.  Like most people you are beyond confused about what has just happened.  No one knows how to interpret a head nod, actually, that’s not true, I know how to interpret a head nod and I’m willing to help.

            Obviously there are a lot of variables in interpreting a head nod but it can be done, we can isolate the variables, and when you’re in the moment you’re going to need good judgment too.

            First let me start by telling you what has no relevance: The actual head nod.  It is a common misconception that there is a difference between an upwards head nod and one that faces down, or a quick head nod and one that is slowly dragged out.  But these things are all just stylistic, different people just do their head nods differently.  The important thing is the circumstances that the head nod occurs in.

            One of the important parts is if the nodder is with people.  Let’s say Tod is walking with his friends Michael, Nick, and Alexandria.  He’s in some deep discussion about the concept of nothing, does it exist or doesn’t it, if so what is it?  We may never know the answer, but we do know that the head nod was harmless, Tod was busy and simply didn’t want to lose his train of thought.  If Tod was alone it would be another story, let’s say Tod is searching the aisles for a new Nerf gun to add to his collection.  Your “friend,” Tod, actually hates you, with that head nod Tod was actually saying “If you ever say ‘hey’ to me again, I will take every pair of socks that you own.”

            Another important variable is the distance between you and the head nodder at the time you said hey.  Let’s say there were less than 5 seconds between when you said hey and when you passed him.  This is generally harmless; Tod was probably thinking about his paper due tomorrow about whether or not the American revolution was a necessary war and he just couldn’t remember your name quickly enough.  But, if there were about 5 seconds or more between the time you said hey to Tod and the time you passed him then that’s b-b-bad news.  I would call this “code orange.”  There are two possibilities here, either: Tod doesn’t know your name, or Tod wants to make sure you know that you matter less than whatever is at the bottom of the abyss.    I pray for you that it’s not the latter.

            Now for the third and final factor, are you a boy or a girl?  Let’s say you’re a boy, you have played on Tods hockey team for two years now, you both share a passion for monopoly and you play often.  In fact, you, Tod, and two other friends are going to play tomorrow at 3:00 P.M., your fine, men don’t think about other men’s feelings, your friend Tod just didn’t want to let you get into his mind before your monopoly game so he avoided contact as best as possible.  Now, if you’re a girl it’s different, you should take out your sword and challenge Tod to a duel.  Tod knows about your need for his attention and he knows how much it would bug you if he made you question whether or not he knew your name.  By giving you the head nod Tod was playing mind games with you, and judging by the fact that you’re tirelessly searching the internet trying to figure out how to interpret his head nod, I would say it worked.  So, I know this is a lot to grasp, and for those of you who are only partially literate literate and need this piece shortened I will give you a quick cheat sheet.

If Tod is…

With people:  It’s good

Alone:  It’s bad

Almost passed you: it’s good

Far away: It’s bad

If you are…

Male: It’s good

Female:  It’s bad


Post By: Pat G.