Who Knows What

Have you ever found yourself trapped in a cave with no food or water knowing that you are going to be there for at least week?  Do you struggle with everyday things like pooping, walking, etc.?  Do you wander the earth searching for ways to redeem yourself for that mistake you made?  If you do, I’m sorry but I can’t help you with that, but perhaps you have all those problems and you also have this roommate who doesn’t respect your privacy once again I can offer you no support.  But, for those of you who hate insects I can provide some help.

                So you’re in the shower.  Washing away all your pains and sorrows and singing show tunes like it’s nobody’s business.  You’ve just finished your shower, turned off the water, and you’re about to grab your towel.  You grab that nice clean towel and prepare to dry yourself off so that you can go on with you day when you see a big black who-knows-what-kind-of-insect-that-is on your towel.  Like any rationale human being you pass out, and then while you’re passed out the  who-knows-what-kind-of-insect-that-is bites you, and you die.  That sucks but fortunately for you, it wasn’t you in the shower, it was your friend Tod.  Here are five things you can do to make sure you don’t end up like Tod.

1.        Before you enter an area scout it out for bugs, this doesn’t mean just take a quick scan this means you have to go Sherlock Holmes that bathroom, do some detective work, make sure there are no who-knows-what-kind-of-insect-that-is’s in the room BEFORE you corner yourself.

2.       NEVER EVER PUT YOUR HAND SOMEWHERE THAT YOU CAN’T SEE.  It’s one thing to see a who-knows-what-kind-of-insect-that-is, but it’s a whole nother thing when you touch/come close to touching one.  You have to avoid contact with who-knows-what-kind-of-insect-that-is’s at all times.

3.       Never walk through the woods when you’re not directly behind someone else.  There have probably been more people who made this fatal mistake than there are people named Lebron James who began their NBA career with the Cleveland Cavaliers, almost one a championship, than left with a controversy, went to the Miami Heat to Join Chris Bosh, and Dwayne Wade and then lost in the Championship to the Dallas Mavericks in 2011 through a serious of obsurd made baskets by dirk Nowitski.  If your friend Tod gets reincarnated and asks you if you want to walk through the woods with him, you better say “Only if I can walk approximately two steps behind you and step exactly in your footsteps slim Jim.”

4.       When in grass where close toed shoes.  I don’t know why or how this monstrosity occurred but who-knows-what-kind-of-insect-that-is’s live in the grass often.  I don’t know why they don’t just build housed and stay out of your lawn but they don’t.  If you stand in the grass for a good thirty seconds with flip flops on, who knows what kind of spell they will cast on you.

5.       Kill any who-knows-what-kind-of-insect-that-is’s that you can (unless it’s a stink bug or a bee, because dead bees attract more bees, and stink bugs smell bad, although once a stink bug landed on my ice cream, it was brown, if you find that stink bug please kill it for me).  Those things are stealthy and you’re not going to get the opportunity twice.  Let’s say you see one in your room, and you take him outside, now you’ve created a problem, he knows the lay of your room and he knows the route, he’s going to parlay with his who-knows-what-kind-of-insect-that-is army, and they will march back to your room and dirty up your desk to the point where you can’t work on it.

I hope this helps you avoid Tod's fate.

Post By: Pat G.