Bathroom Rules

So you’re going to the bathroom to urinate, you see your friend Tod, Tod is taking a pee because he is very nervous about his upcoming presentation on Queen Elizabeth, you know the rules, you don’t look at him, you don’t  speak to him.  You just go to your urinal and start peeing.  Your urine is clear, you’ve clearly been drinking a lot of water (pun intended).  You’re emitting those bodily fluids when Tod says “Hey.”  WTF, did Tod just speak to you while you were peeing, everybody knows you do not talk to a man while he pees.  Oh wait, some people (like Tod) don’t.  Bathroom rules are a crucial thing for everyone to know.

                The first rule of bathrooms is as follows:  YOU DO NOT TALK TO A MAN WHILE HE IS PEEING!  That one is pretty self-explanatory so let’s move on to the second, YOU DO NOT TALK TO A MAN WHILE HE IS PEEING!  I had to say it again but I think now you get it, so on to the third, YOU DO NOT TALK TO A MAN WHILE HE IS PEEING!  I don’t know how I can make this any clearer, you never talk to a man while he is peeing.  Actually, there is one situation where you can, if your friend Tod peeing, (his name does have to be Tod) and you see a wild panda bear preparing to eat some bamboo of which is poorly placed right in front of Tod’s face and you know for a fact that that panda will kill Tod if and only if he continues to pee then you may inform Tod of his situation, but  this is the only case under which it is acceptable to talk to a man as he pees.

                Now for the fourth rule: under no circumstances should you look at another man as he is peeing.  For this one you’re under honor code because if you’re looking at him he has to be looking at you to know that you were looking at him, but you just don’t do it (note- this rule applies to any and all looking).

                Now you’ve learned the important rules so the rest are going to be quick ones.

5.  Don’t take your pants off, I know this one sounds weird but to some people it seems necessary for your pants to be around your ankles to pee.

6.  Wash your hands.  This one’s really for you so don’t bother doing that dumb thing where you turn on the water and then turn it off really quick, everybody knows you didn’t wash your hands and you look dumb.

7.  YOU DO NOT TALK TO A MAN WHILE HE IS PEEING!  I just felt like I needed to remind you about that one again.

8.  Never criticize a man for taking a long pee.  I know it sounds weird but when you criticize him it’s just annoying and a little weird.

9.  Even if you’re not talking to anyone, don’t make noise with your mouth in the bathroom, it’s really annoying when you’re in your zone and you hear some ass-hole named Tod humming his favorite tune, and also you may disturb the other urinaters.

10.  YOU DO NOT TALK TO A MAN WHILE HE IS PEEING!  If you only remember one thing from this, it better be rule number 1, 2, 3, 7, and 9.


Post By: Pat G.